Gensokyo Rangers
by UnendingEmpire
Summary: When a number of mysterious happenings happen in Gensokyo, not the least of which is a bizzare head living in the Hakurei Shrine, Reimu and others must gather up to prevent a series of events which will ultimately lead to a conspiracy to conquer the entirety of Gensokyo AND the outside world!
1. Chapter 1

**This is probably the funniest crossover I can think of. Certainly the greatest crossover in the history of everything.**

**Ever.**

**Period.**

**End of story.**

* * *

"What a day," Reimu said exhaustedly to herself, sitting down in front of the Hakurei Shrine. It was about the right time for the sun to come down, and the view was never bad at this shrine that sat along the border of Gensokyo and the world beyond the world. That was why she always made sure to see it. After a long and tiring day of being the Hakurei miko, this was her reward. If she couldn't get money, she'd get that warm feeling she got when watching the sunset.

"Reiiiiiiimuuuuuuuuu…"

"Huh?"

"_Reiiiiiiimuuuuuuuuu_…"

Quickly turning to the source of the mysterious voice, Reimu shouted "Show yourself!" She didn't recognize this voice, and as far as she cared, an unknown voice on shrine grounds was that of an enemy! She had to find the person calling out to her! It couldn't be the usual incident-causer, the miko knew that much. How could she tell the voice wasn't an average troublemaker? Simple. The voice was male.

"I'm over heeeeeere, in the shriiiiiiiine…"

"Quit stretching out your vowels like that! It's annoying, and I know you're not a ghost!"

"…fine."

"Now where are you?"

"Over this way."

"Let's see here…what on earth is _this_?" Reimu knew for a fact that she didn't get anything new in the shrine recently. Certainly not a bizarre machine like this one. It was like a giant tube, stretching from the floor to the ceiling, with two massive kegs on the side. On each keg was written one word in big bold letters. **BEER**. Beer machine? That didn't explain the most bizarre part of the equation. The giant _head_ floating inside the beer! This must have been the owner of the voice, but that led to even more questions. How did this man's head get in here? How could he breathe with nothing but beer? Most importantly, who in ZUN's name was this guy? "I think you have some explaining to do."

"Okay. Where do you want me to begin?"

"Who are you?"

"My name is ZUN. I'm a very dear friend to some of Gensokyo's elite, and I'm highly responsible for the creation of Gensokyo. Next question."

"How did this beer vat get in my shrine?"

"I put it here, so I could survive. And if you're wondering why it's _here_, I can explain that too. You have to save Gensokyo once again, Reimu."

"Nothing seems wrong…"

"Nothing _is_ wrong, _yet_. Very soon, a team of powerful villains will gather together with the intention of conquering Gensokyo. I was called in to recruit you and a number of allies you'll gather over the course of your adventure to save the world."

"Yukari better not be coming along…"

"Of course not. However, you will need new powers. The villains we're dealing with won't settle for danmaku fights, and if they have the chance, most if not all of them _will_ kill you. I can give you an outfit to fight them with."

"You've got no hands. How can you give me something without hands?"

"Silly miko, I brought it with me." The ZUN head in the beer vat turned to face the back of the vat, tilting forward in the closest thing he could do to a "follow me" gesture. "Behind me there is a button. It will lead you to someplace special, and you will be given power. Press the button." With that, the ZUN head floated down beneath the bottom of the vat. So there was more beneath him, then.

"…nothing better to do, I guess." With that, Reimu stuck her fingers behind the vat, and felt around for the button. When she found it, she pressed it first thing, and jumped back in shock. Somebody had really been doing work on this shrine behind the miko's back! The wall opened up to reveal a staircase that led down, probably to where ZUN went. Unlike the rest of the shrine (so far) however, it was completely metal. Meaning it was very new…

Reimu stepped onto the staircase, only to turn back once more when a sudden grinding sound let off from behind her. The beer vat, and the kegs next to it, were moving down as well. Good. Reimu couldn't bare the thought of having that thing sitting around for everybody to see, especially if there was a person's head inside. With that, she continued down and down, to stop in awe at the place she'd been brought to. The whole room was made of metal, but there were machines everywhere, most of which were completely unknown to Reimu. She recognized what looked like some kind of computer near ZUN (or at least his head) and something resembling an elevator in the far corner of the room, but that was it. Stepping into the room, she asked "What is this place?"

"It's a chamber, obviously. I don't really have a name for it just yet, but it's where you can do whatever you need to, as long as it's related to your new mission. It's also where your equipment is."

"Equipment, huh? Let's see it, then." And just like that, part of one of the walls opened right up, and slid out a tiny tray. On the tray was just a green and white yin-yang-design metal circle about the size of Reimu's hands, not at all unlike a regular yin-yang aside from the green instead of black. "This is it? _This_ is my equipment?"

"Take it. You'll know what to do with it when the time comes. And then Gensokyo shall be saved."

"Just like that? I use it and I win?"

"No."

"But you just said…"

"Rest. Your first enemy, if I'm right, will appear tomorrow. It would be best for Gensokyo if you had as much energy as possible to spare when that time came."

"Alright, I guess…" Reimu still didn't understand. This was all really sudden; a beer vat appearing in her shrine, the head of a person named ZUN talking to her, and now this little metal thing. Right now, Reimu just hoped she wasn't just going crazy.

* * *

**Tomorrow; Bunbunmaru Newspaper****'****s headline**

Masked Mysteries Make Many Nervous!

_Late last night, three masked figures were seen wandering Gensokyo. Upon questioning, they ran. They were spotted again numerous times throughout the night, with the same results upon every attempt to uncover their identities. They were last seen not far from Youkai Mountain, and would-be hikers are asked to take slightly more caution than usual, for the intentions of these mysterious people are as of yet unknown. More on this crew as the story develops._

* * *

"I take it they're my enemy," Reimu said, enjoying a morning cup of tea while the ZUN head near her seemed content with his beer. "These three mystery figures?"

"That would be correct, Reimu. You must defeat all three of them, but you cannot do it without the power of the item I gave to you."

"Hang on, how did they get those on anyway?" Pointing to the picture of the three that was on the front page, Reimu said "Those suits are practically skin-tight, and I don't see any zippers or buckles or anything else that could be used to open the clothes up. You'd need to have some kind of super-slimming ability or something to put those on! And the same deal with those dumb helmets! How did those get on their heads?"

"Because they have the power."

"What power?"

"_The_ power. And when you unlock the secrets of your newest trinket, you'll have _the_ power as well."

"I still don't know about this whole 'save the world with _the_ power' thing. How do I know I can trust you, ZUN?"

"Would you trust Yukari with the safety of Gensokyo?"

"Of course. I may not like her much, but Yukari's a big part of creating Gensokyo to begin with; she'd hate to see her creation get destroyed under any circumstances."

"And I helped create it, too. There you go, the proof you wanted."

"Smartass…" So Reimu had to defeat these three masked figures? It sounded easy enough. Only she had no idea where they were! Reimu wasn't ready to start asking if anybody had seen a team of people in dumb-looking suits, so she wouldn't make her move until she learned where-

"The Moriya Shrine."

"Dammit."

* * *

**Moriya Shrine****…**

"Help me," Suwako shouted. In front of her was one of the masked figures from yesterday. There were three in all; one each in red, blue, and black. The red and black ones were nowhere in sight, but the blue one had all but pummeled Suwako to the point of her no longer standing up. "Isn't there a hero that can save me?"

_SLAM! _Blue-Clad Figure was slammed into the floor of the Moriya Shrine, hard enough to leave a dent in the floors.

"Ow, dammit," she shouted. "You said you wouldn't hit me…that…"

"Fess up," Reimu demanded. "Who are you and your accomplices?"

_SLAM!_ Now Reimu was the one being thrown around, this time by Red-Clad Figure as she stormed into the door. "That's for hurting my allies," she shouted.

"Wait, I know that voice…"

"N-No you don't! Of course you don't," Red-Clad Figure went on, purposely dropping her voice an octave or two to make sure nobody recognized it. "After all, you've never even seen me before today! But I can't accept some brutal shrine maiden coming in here to smash up me and my allies! As the protectors of Gensokyo, we'll be sure to put you down!"

"_Saviors_? From what I heard, you three are the bad guys!"

"She's stubborn," Black-Clad Figure observed, stepping into the shrine. "And I'm sorry about not seeing Reimu just then."

"No matter," Red-Clad Figure said, still keeping up the manly guise for her voice, despite her girlish figure being made obvious by her outfit. "We'll just defeat this shrine maiden, and then we'll find out who else poses a threat to Gensokyo, and exterminate them too! That is how we operate! Because we are…the Gensokyo-" _PUNCH-TO-THE-FACE!_ "Ow," Red-Clad Figure shouted, reeling back and forgetting to disguise her voice. "That was my nose, Reimu!"

"Is that so?" Reimu grabbed the back of Red-Clad Figure's helmet, turned her foe to face the wall, and proceeded to slam her face against the wall multiple times. After the third one, she asked "So who are you?"

"I'm the Red Ranger," Red Ranger shouted.

* * *

**Red Ranger's probably the funniest part of this if you ask me. I've reached that hilarious peak of my comedic ability again, and I plan to splurge all my comedy juices to make this the funnies thing I'll ever write.**

**Also, before Red Ranger got smashed in the face, she was going to say that she and her comrades were the Gensokyo Rangers, but if they're the Gensokyo Rangers, that actually DOES make Reimu the villain.**

**Which would also make ZUN a bad guy, which never happens. On that note, I'm just making up ZUN's personality as I go along, since I'm not really sure how he acts. I always like to imagine that he and I act similarly.**

**And the way that my music has a Touhou-esque feel to it (as does my writing, of course) usually helps me confirm that with myself, even if it's not really true. But I wouldn't know XD**


	2. Chapter 2: It's Morphin' Time!

**And the color-coded hilarity continues!**

**The team that will be the Gensokyo Rangers is starting to get assembled, but we****'****re still a few rangers short. It****'****ll take four more after this chapter to make a whole team. I know who they are, and I also know there****'****s going to be an awesome running gag in this fanfic that starts in this chapter, and continues pretty much every time another team of rangers shows up (except for one trio that will appear much later) and maybe when a certain ranger gets recruited.**

**Still, this is a cool chapter, with a little bit of action and a lot of humor. In short, it****'****s about the standard fare for my writing~**

**Oh, also, happy late Cirno Day! I would****'****ve celebrated the day on the right date like I should have, but I wound up visiting my father****'****s house by surprise, causing me to miss the library and forcing me to wish everybody a happy Cirno Day on 9/11, like a baka****…**

**Wait, so am I doing it right?**

* * *

_SLAM!_ "No you're not," Reimu said flatly. "Who are you really?"

"R-Red Ranger!"

_SLAM!_

"She's really giving our little girl a beating," Black-Clad Figure said. "Should we go help her?"

"They told us to just let those two settle it amongst themselves," Blue-Clad Figure answered. "Let's just hope our little girl gets through okay."

"D-Don't call me your little girl," Red Ranger shouted. "I'm not a kid anymore!"

"Little girl," Reimu asked. "Obviously not. Sanae's fully grown, isn't she?"

"Yes I am!"

"Haha~"

"I-I mean…who is this Sanae? …I give up."

"Come on, Sanae, take the costume off." Turning to Blue-Clad Figure and Black-Clad Figure, Reimu said "You too, Kanako, Suwako. If you're trying to look cool, you're all failing miserably. How about somebody makes some tea and explains to me why Halloween's arrived early?"

"I'll do it," Sanae said, seeming rather sad that her identity was revealed so easily. She was rather hoping to keep the guise up for at least a week before somebody figured it out.

* * *

**Good girls are now making tea****…**

* * *

"Here's what happened," Sanae said, no longer wearing the red costume. "The other day, this person came to our shrine, and just dropped these things off…"

* * *

_"__What on earth?__"__ Sanae picked up the three metal yin-yang badges. Only one of them was black and white like a regular yin-yang, however; the other two had red and blue respectively instead of black, and they all seemed to emit some kind of odd power. __"__Suwako, what do you think these are?__"_

_"__Let__'__s see here,__"__ the frog goddess said, observing the badges closely. __"…"_

_"…"_

_"…"_

_"__Well?__"_

_"__The best thing I can draw up is that they__'__re something powerful. I dunno how powerful, but the colors may be like a __"__team-of-rangers__"__ kind of thing.__"_

_"__R-Rangers?__"__ Could they really be devices for turning into Rangers? Sanae__'__s biggest dream as a child was to be a Power Ranger (Green Ranger specifically) and the very key to making that dream a reality could be sitting in the palm of her hands right now. It really sucked that there wasn__'__t a green one__…_

_"__Yep, Rangers. I kinda would__'__ve liked there to be a yellow one, but I won__'__t make a big fuss out of it.__"_

_"__Can I__…__can I have the red one?__"_

_"__Why red?__"_

_"__Because! Red Ranger__'__s always the leader! It__'__s like a law of nature or something!__"_

_"…"_

* * *

"Huh, that's funny. I was just now thinking about how I'd kind of like to be the red one. Instead, all I got was green."

"_Green_?" Sanae quickly held out her red-white yin-yang Ranger-badge-thingy and said "I'll trade you! You can be Red Ranger if I can be Green Ranger!"

"Why? Did Green Ranger get anything special?"

"You mean you don't remember?"

"I mean I never knew of them to begin with. No TV in Gensokyo, remember?"

"…"

"What?"

"Now, more than ever, Reimu…I pity you. Earnestly and truly, I have never felt so sorry for another human being in my life."

"Yeah, yeah, I don't need your pity. Just answer the question."

"Green Ranger lost his powers eventually…" Then turned into the super-badass White Ranger! That was part of why Sanae wanted to be Green Ranger as a kid; so she could turn into White Ranger and be the very strongest one of the whole bunch.

Even on Reimu's end that didn't know of White Ranger, the losing-your-powers bit settled it. Reimu couldn't be much of a savior without "the power" as ZUN had put it, so if the Green Ranger would lose her (were there boy Power Rangers in the outside world?) powers, Reimu obviously couldn't be green. "Trade. For certain, trade." Not only did it ensure that Reimu would always have her powers as a Power Ranger (whatever the hell _those_ were) but Reimu kind of liked the prospect of being the leader. After all, Sanae had said herself that Red Ranger was _always_ the leader. That it was some kind of law of nature.

"All yours," Sanae said, handing Reimu the red badge. "I was getting tired of being red, so…"

"Not much fun to be a leader when you're just bossing your own family around, huh?"

"Sort of. Hey, do we have anything like a headquarters?"

* * *

**The headquarters-like place beneath the Hakurei Shrine****…**

"We have an HQ!" Sanae couldn't believe it! "All we need now are megazords!"

"No," ZUN said. "No megazords."

"Dammit! I wanted that dragonzord really bad!" Even so, she was freaking Green Ranger! That alone was a massive boost to her mood, even without the dragonzord, so it was alright. "Can you believe this? Here we both are, being real bona fide Rangers! ZUN," Sanae said, mimicking the voice of a different floating head. "Zordon has escaped! Recruit a team of Rangers with _attitude_!"

"Focus," Reimu said. "Two people is hardly a team. Even if we have some kind of special power - which I fail to notice - we're not really a team yet. More like a duo. A team would be at least five."

"What about four?"

"Four always sounded more like a squad to me." Turning her attention over to ZUN, Reimu said "Hey, ZUN, you're supposed to know everything that's going on, so where's the enemy at? Last time you told me they were at the Moriya Shrine, and I wound up finding Sanae instead and trading yin-yang badge-things with her."

"Just as it should be."

"…answer, please."

"The other team hasn't appeared just yet. It will be another day or so before they surface. Until then, stay alert."

"I'll bet now you're gonna tell us to train and hone _the power_," Reimu said, doing her best mockery of ZUN at the mention of "the power" possible. "Right?"

"Yes."

* * *

**Training****…**

"Alright," Reimu said, addressing the blue-white miko in front of her. "How's this thing work?" Unlike Sanae, Reimu never actually used her ranger badge (for lack of better term) nor had she even heard of such things before today, so she had no idea how they worked.

"Easy." Sanae held out her green-white badge directly in front of her in both hands, one hand on top and one hand on bottom. "You just hold it out like this, and then you've gotta shout, like this…" Sanae took a deep breath. This was always her favorite part. "**IT****'****S MORPHIN****'**** TIME!**" _FLASH!_ In a burst of green light, Sanae re-emerged in her new green outfit. On the right arm of her outfit was a big white stripe, but other than that and a white visor on her helmet in the shape of a star, the entire thing was green. "Now you do it!"

"…I'm not saying that."

"What? Why not?"

"Because it sounds stupid." _SLAM!_ Sanae was a lot stronger than she looked. Reimu knew that now that she was in a big Reimu-shaped dent in the metal floors of the HQ, probably with a broken rib or two. "Hey! What the hell?"

"Sorry! I had no idea you'd go down that hard."

"It's Sanae's ranger power," ZUN explained. "My plan all along was to make her be Green Ranger, and her power when she turns into the Green Ranger is super strength. As you collect allies, they too will gain powers, but remember that an evil looms over Gensokyo. They have the power, too."

"Oh yeah, beer boy?" Reimu slowly got up to her feet (it hurt) and looked at the floating head in the beer vat. "Then what's my super power, huh?"

"That's classified."

"_Of course_ it is."

"Just do what Sanae's telling you to do, Reimu. It will all make sense."

"Ugh." Reimu fished in her pocket for the badge, all the while muttering "I'm not even getting paid for this. Whatever." Holding out the red-white badge just as Sanae did the green one, Reimu took a deep breath. She still couldn't believe she was doing this. "**IT****'****S MORPHIN****'**** TIME!**" _FLASH!_ A bright flash of red light covered the headquarters, and when it faded, Reimu stood in its place, wearing a red outfit not unlike Sanae's, though a little bit different. Reimu had no stripe on her right arm, instead having one that went diagonally across her chest, starting at the left shoulder and ending at the right hip. The white visor on her helmet was in the shape of a yin-yang; perfect for Reimu.

"That was cool," Sanae applauded. "What's it feel like?"

"Kinda tight. And it itches a little in my armpits."

"You'll get used to that before long, trust me. So now we need to find out what your ranger power is." If Sanae's was super strength, maybe Reimu's was telekinesis? Or maybe it was super toughness! Yes, it had to be toughness! Using the best method she could think of to test it out, Sanae reared another super-powered punch, aimed directly at Reimu's chest…

Only for her to leap out of the way before Sanae could even connect! The green-clad ranger used the falling momentum to her advantage, turning it into a powerful spinning kick. Only, once again, Reimu the Red Ranger dodged, this time going right under Sanae's foot!

* * *

**A few dozen misses later****…**

Sanae was worn out. She couldn't swing another punch even if she wanted to. But, she did figure out Reimu's power. "Okay," Green Ranger proclaimed. "Reimu's power is-"

"Let me," ZUN interrupted. "Reimu has ability to the extent of foreseeing attacks before they begin." In other words, a sixth sense that would let her dodge just about any attack. Although, with Reimu being the shrine maiden who was notorious for being the strongest in danmaku battles, effectively making her the best attack dodger in all of Gensokyo, the ability was only going to be useful in _real_ fights. Exactly like ZUN planned it…

* * *

**Visualizing Sanae and Reimu actually doing that was the best thing that happened to me over the entire weekend. I also got my favorite running gag started, and I want to see if anybody here can guess which part of this chapter will be the running gag.**

**Whoever gets it right will have a cookie, but you need to submit your guesses before the next chapter comes in, or it****'****ll be too late!**

**And yes, I****'****m perfectly aware that Zordon isn****'****t the bad guy in Power Rangers, but he IS a floating head, so for ZUN to be taking his place, he must have escaped :)**


End file.
